Amber Alert

*courtesy of Google* Amber Alert is an emergency response system that disseminates information about a missing person (usually a child), by media broadcasting or electronic roadway signs.

… and with that being said, it doesn’t mean a fucking thing to me.  You see, nowadays we live in a society where drug dealers get maximum sentences verses the murderers who get the minimum. A system that serves and protect law enforcement agents who are bigger thugs than the ones on the streets.  We live in a society where racism still exists, marriage is just a piece of paper and it’s okay for a person to snatch your child out of school (regardless of who the child lives with, who the child knows, or who has always been the primary caregiver their entire life) as long as their name is on the birth certificate. So someone tell me, what the fuck or who the fuck does this Amber Alert protects… because it didn’t protect mine.

Now I could sit here and give you my whole life story… or my child’s, in this matter. I could bring you into my world and tell you how the past 48 hours have been absolute hell. I could try and swoon my audience into being on my side, make you sympathize with me… protest for ME. Look at me and what they did to me!! But who should this really be about? There are 3 sides to every story and no one knows who side really counts?  

Now let’s back track a little here.  When these Amber Alerts were being sent out, did the media broadcast that the child was abducted by either their mom or dad? Does it depict who the culprit is and whether or not their name is on the birth certificate (LOL)…. because if in fact the name is on the birth certificate (in which I just learned), then what the hell are you looking for; or, should we say WHO the hell are you looking for? Does the Amber Alert ONLY alert when and if the child is with a pedophile? Or maybe there is a code that you give to the police so that THEY know you have the right to send out an alert. Because you never know… I mean the way this government is set up nowadays.. ijs. From what we know or what we thought the purpose served, the Amber Alert should work in everyone’s favor, right? At least, the missing child’s favor, because that’s who the victim really is. 

Now let’s brainstorm. If a person has been soul provider for their child from the time that they were born, you would think that they would have more rights than the person who is only there to pick up the slack. And because a mother is automatically tied to the duties of a being that soul provider once the child is born, you would think that would automatically give her more rights, as well. No one asks dad, grandma, aunt or uncle, brother or sister what would YOU like to name the baby or please sign off on these discharge papers and aftercare instructions.  Even if WHOMEVER, man or woman, signed the affidavit for having a child out of wedlock and YES you claim this child is yours… so that your name can be printed on the birth certificate, NO ONE asks that person anything in regards to the care of that child. BECAUSE WHY… they are not the mother. And because SHE delivered the baby, everyone is under the notion that SHE will be the one taking care of the baby. Married or not. 

Bringing you up to speed… you can raise your child, lay a foundation and make a path for them to walk the good road… only for it all to be snatched away as if IT, YOU, nor THAT CHILD ever existed. And even though the nurses, doctors, teachers and so forth look forward to contacting the mother through it all, there is still another name listed on the birth certificate and that person has the right to undermine your authority and make you out to be the culprit in the Amber Alert broadcast. Your rights are stripped and basically the system has bitch slapped you and made you walk down the street with your drawers at your ankles and your tail between your legs.  

Now you’re at war with one another. Who is the better fit and who did what, when, where and how. Money spent and money lost… all to gain what in the process. Because the truth of the matter is, no matter who won the case in court, the child still loses.   

Until next time bloggers… 

God Has Spoiled Me

I know, I know… Don’t judge me. The randomness has got to stop. I haven’t even responded to comments and whatnots on past posts, which I do sincerely apologize for. But I had to squeeze in a few minutes to vent. And who better, than you guys.

So here is the deal… I’m back on my house rampage again. Not only that, But I have set this ultimate retarded goal of shit to get done within the next 2 years. Let me bring you guys up to date. I think this blog is about to turn into a rage of rantings over the next couple of months… maybe even years.

Let’s begin with the wack ass 2 year goal. SOOO… Pending “Official” and I are planning on getting married. We have a date set for July 4, 2015. Wedding is 2 years away (and some change), so I figured I would give myself some shit to get done either before or by that time. In just a 3 week time period, the wedding has moved from some random venue in a more metropolitan area here in NC (too expensive), to Jamaica (too expensive for everybody else), back to my family’s land here at home (now I have to figure out what the fuck am I going to do with 10 acres of country ass land). I’ve been rummaging through ideas of the attire for the groomsmen and bridesmaid and being as though, Official’s brother has departed, playing dressup with the fellas isn’t really all that fun. So, NOW, I’m playing with the idea of J.O.P and maybe a reception.

Ok… so that’s 2 years from now. Now, let’s rewind back to the present. I’m still waiting to hear back from “the job”. Apparently, State employees are trained to keep molasses up their asses and it takes forever (yes up to 2 months or so) just to hear back when your start date will be. Let me mind you, which could also be a month later because they want to start you at the beginning of your pay period. But, I’m no dummy, I have still been applying for other jobs. I didn’t take myself out of the game completely. So, with all of that being said, YES!… This is also in my 2 year goal; to get another job. And not just any old job. A decent paying-Mon-Fri-straight 9-5-with benefits having kind of job. Yes my dears. And where I’m from, NO job comes easy. Not even a job at Wal-Mart or McDonalds.

On to the next wack-a-doo thought process. Somewhere in the air, there has been these little voices rummaging around talking about “baby”. OMG!! really?!! Mainly, because Official wants to take his chances of trying for a boy. No, this is not a necessity. However, my calculations tell me that if I have a baby this year, that would put my daughter and the little one at 5 years apart just as she and my son are. And that would make my son 10 years apart from the youngest. 5 is like my lucky number or something (I guess), only because my son and daughter are 5 years apart (some bright idea). Anywho, you get where I’m going with this? Right!!! No fucking where!! LOL!! Ok.. on that note, bedroom gyratings have been rather careless (which they always have been, only without the guilt trip about the fact no one pulled out.. or got off?… whatever…). So, basically what I am really trying to do is hurry along my hiring process for A job (not just the one I’m waiting on now), so that if I am or do turn up preggo, I can have my foot in the door before they find out the damage I have done LMAO!!! Go ahead… call me crazy!! I swear I won’t get mad. And yes, we have a baby name. LOL!!

Sooooo, I get’s slapped in the face again with yet another house that is too perfect for words. The pricing is awesome! The location? Awesome! The size? AWESOME!!! Eveything about is … is… is just AWESOME!!! Credit is not an issue, so much as being prepared for a down payment just in case they ask. I have the number. The saler is just a phone call away. Actually, lives right down the street from my mom. All I have to do is pick up the phone and ask. But the rejection terrifies me. I have it right here, in finger dialing reach… and I can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve been back to the website over 20 times, maybe more, just to stare at it’s walls and yard. Not to mention I have to ride pass there everyday to take and pick my son up from my mom’s after school. This makes Day 2 of it being on the market, and I am already having wet dreams about the house: me in it, me sitting on the porch, me doing yard work (you know this had to be a dream), me decorating. Then I awaken to pure disappointment… my shitty ass apartment! uuugghhhh!! My goal to buy a house, I wanted to reach before the end of this year; because the house-buying goal actually started last year.

And by the time, my 2 years is up, I will be living the Black Woman’s American Dream. I’ll have my house, my good job, with my complete circle of life; my children and a husband in my early 30’s. I’m not sure if I am completely insane to actually try my best to get all of these things complete before 2015 or if my blessing’s have been so farfetchingly huge, that God has really made a spoiled brat out of me. All I can do is thank him. And whether or not I get these crazy duties complete, I will definitely be back to update you on the latest.

Until next time bloggers….

Up 4 Discussion Presents…

What would Adam Lanza’s “real” Mother Say?

Join me on Up 4 Discussion as I voice my opinion on a touchy topic concerning parenthood as well as the considerable amounts of judgement blows that are being thrown at women (2 in particular) for their efforts (or lack of) to take care of a child with mental illness.

After all is said and done, let me know what you think about these situations and how the woman mentioned describes her son? How do you think Adam Lanza’s real mother would have described his childhood?

Until next time bloggers…

What would Adam Lanza’s “real” Mother Say?

So Cliche’, But Christmas Is Here

Christmas is here and I’m feeling pretty damn good about myself. I’ve put in my part for charity, I actually got everyone in my family and “pending’s” family a gift this year and I still have gas money left over for the rest of this week, LMAO!! My Scrooge mentality subsided once I realized I would be able to complete everything that I wanted to get done in this month. I also realized that broke people are the only ones always yelling, “money isn’t everything” but the truth is it damn sure gets the job done when you do have it. The thing about that, too, is Scrooge had money. That bitch was just selfish, which I am not. I was only frustrated because all I wanted was to just be in a position where I would be able to give. And although everyone didn’t receive extravagent diamond bracelets or expensive perfumes, they were all gifts that a lot of thought was put into because it was shit that each person actually needed. LOL!! Get’s no better than that, huh?

Once these next 2 days have passed, I’ll began prepping for my daughter’s birthday. She will be turning 4 and yes, it’s 5 days after tomorrow. No expensive party. I think we are just going to get together at the bowling alley since she likes to bowl. I’ll see if I can find an Angry Birds birthday cake somewhere (yes she is an angry bird fanatic), some ice cream and call it a day. This is the one child that is really not that hard to please. I pray she keeps her humbling spirit. In the process of planning for her, I’m rummaging through thoughts for my son’s up and coming. I’ve been back and forth with about 2 or 3 things, not sure yet which one I will decide to go with. But I got about 2 months to think about it and get my shit together. I think I’m burned out on trying to throw birthday parties. And maybe that’s because my apartment space doesn’t allow me to. I’m sure once I find my house, I will be back at being the number 1 kid’s birthday party planner, lol!

On to other news… the Devil tried to play me yesterday. I guess I have been smiling too much and glowing and shit because I’ve found some holiday spirit. It’s actually a funny story, not so much but kind of. I was pulling out of my mother’s drive way and turned my steering wheel, of course, to make a left on to the street. Well as I turned, I heard a pop up under my car. My thoughts? “What the hell did I just run over? What did that damn dog bring into my mom’s yard now?” I kept going a little ways and looked in my rearview only to see that something was rolling in the street. Well, it wasn’t my wheel obviously. But the little people in my brain told me to stop, back up and check out the scene. Out of respect for my conscience, I did so, inspected and was on some “WTF?!” type shit. Fast forward. I take a picture of it (as you can see in the picture above) and sent it to my mechanic who is also my mom’s wonderful boyfriend, who immediately called me back and said, “what the hell are you doing with that and where did you get it?” I explained and he then told me that this was a frame bushing. In other words, for those who are unfamiliar with cars, it’s a big ass bolt that keeps the frame of your car together. I could just picture me on the highway driving and my car coming a part, losing pieces here and there as I’m driving, until there is no car left. That’s where things got unfunny. But I wasn’t on the highway, hell I didn’t even make it to the end of the road. I could have, but my little people were talking pretty loud. I’m glad I listened. I had my son, my daughter and my neice with me. It could have been devastating. As I get out the car and showed my mom the part, she goes, “that’s what you call driving ’til the wheels fall off” LMAO!! Well guess what Devil, I’m still smiling… and driving. It’s Christmas!!

Until next time bloggers…

Have a wonderful, awesomely joyfilled Merry Christmas along with a safe and Happy New Year! Try something adventurous and orgasm at the strike of 12, LOL!! What a way to start a new year! Kisses!

Trials Of A Mother: Mom vs. Dad

There’s a difference between under-rated and haven’t made it-Meek Mills

Once you have children, you find out that they hold so much weight over you. I live a life in “the quiet”. I’m hardened. And unless you could actually exchange souls with me, you would never know the exact feelings that which I have learned to professionally keep in the calming abyss of my brain. Life is a struggle without the whining and bitching of someone else who has walked this Earth just as long as you have. But when you are stuck in the middle (somewhere) who is there to tell you which way to go? I would rather bypass advice from those who really can’t understand what it’s like to be in my shoes. Opinionated people can sometimes give off good talk game, but does that really help to solve your problem? I could only think of one person that could possibly be my cure-all, so I called out to my Grandmother (Lord rest her soul, 12 years and you would think the grieving process would have subsided by now) last night and she wasn’t there to answer me back. At that moment of no response, I realized what makes me the weakest link… my kids. My hard rock turned to soft and the water flowed faster than the rivers. I was hurt. And I had no one to console me the way that I know only she could have done.

A Little Background Info
From the outside looking in… a quick explanation of how my son’s father and I share him, you would think, “oh that’s awesome!”, “that’s great that he does dot-dot-dot”. But to be honest, I never cared for the extra help. Or maybe, it’s that I never cared for him period. So I would rather have done without his presence from then until now. I believe this is the cycle of where I pay for my sins. Never in a million years did I believe that I would be able to birth my own kryptonite. I have to learn to become immune to the glow and sustain a state of submissivness for the sake of my child. I’ve found this man to be a vicious blood sucker which I knew from jumpstreet, AFTER my son was born (everyone else found out years later). Needless to say, I found out I was pregnant 2 months after completely ridding him of my life. I should have left it that way. I had never met a snake in person until I met him. But the moral of all of this begins with the quote that I stated above…

The Moral
Children hold strong to things that interest them. Memories that settle in and stick, even if it is for a split second. They believe that this is how life is suppose to be every single second there after. I agree. And if that was in any way, shape, form or fashionably possible, I would most definitely love to keep the line of tremendous pops of fireworks going every single day. Instead, a working mother loses sight of even being alive. You are only here to make things comfortable and enjoyable for your children, instill in them the mechanics of life and hope they take heed and prosper into the star you would like for them to be. In other words, you hustle your ass off every single day and hope that your kids don’t show resentment towards your grind once they get older. They are too young to understand. This is what portrays an image of “difference” between whose head of household. Those who have time and those who don’t. What they believe is good for them and what they don’t. BUT if they don’t know any difference between the two, then all they would know is what they were born into, you would think. I admit my work load can get the best of me. Maybe that is why when special events, birthdays or whatnot come around, I tend to overtly stress because I want it to be pure perfection. I have to choose the perfect gift. Things have to be perfectly in sync with whatever it is my son or daughter asks for. I’ve concocted miracles out of my ass, ears, nostrils… basically every hole in my body, and yet I remain the under-rated of the 2 parenting species. I’m judged for not buying a toy at the drop of a dime. I’m judged for letting a practice slip my mind. I’m judged for working. Judged for cooking, for parenting, disciplining, for paying bills…

Going In
I believe that if I had a source for freeloading that would take care of me and pay my bills, I could put in the excess time and effort to completely consume my life with my children and still have plenty time left over to piss off the other parent too. I can honestly say that I can teach my son how to be more of a man than his sperm donor with also stating the fact that I think I would feel some type of way (like not setting a good example) if I still lived with my mother and fed him off of her income. That’s like saying it’s ok to do this; you don’t need a job or an education, you can live with me forever. I wonder what it would be like if the tables were to turn? The day that this freeloader would have to get a job and actually fend for himself. I wonder if my son’s feelings for this person he deems as a Super Hero (technically for not having a life) would remain the same?

This is like one of those “Lifetime” movies. I never believed my life would play out where it’s Mom vs. Dumb Ass. You hear stories of parents and their bribing kids with toys and gifts. But for some odd reason, I never thought that would be considered a legitimate practice. At least not on my playing field. The Devil is playing hardball. Situations such as this leave you in positions feeling as though your faith and humbling to the cause is not enough. I’m completely blown. And after you have done so much (you think) you’re left drawn into a fetal position because there is nothing else that you can do. Your child already has everything coming from both ends (his ass and my heart). Nowadays, kids are blessed with everything they could imagine. And the parents are breaking their necks to make impossibilities somewhat possible, if not completely. I didn’t have it like that growing up. And beginning from the time that I was able to make my own money, I have worked for every single thing that I have as well as my children. It’s like I’m constantly trying to prove myself when really I know that I don’t have to. This is not a competition. So why make it out to seem like it is one? At damn near 40, one should realize when it’s time to stop being a bitch. Someone could easily think that science has naturally fucked up it’s corse and made a ni66a bleed on a monthly basis. I don’t need the extras of dealing with 2 periods in a month. I just want to look forward to lesser drama from the man-bitch and more gain of understanding with my son.

Until next time bloggers…

Up 4 Discussion Presents…

5 Things EVERYONE Should Know BEFORE Having Kids

It must be my birthday!!! LOL!! I am all over the place this morning!!! From Spoken Words & Thoughts to Up 4 Discussion. And once again, I am so honored. You see, I told you guys I’ve been busy….

Sometimes we all just need that extra push and luckily I have an awesome Blogger Boss who knows just how to push me. J decided to give us all a few topics to pick and choose from and I chose a few but I couldn’t let this one keep lingering in my email without diving in head first. Yes!! 5 things EVERYONE should know BEFORE having kids It has a ring to it, don’t you think?!

If you really want to know what to look forward to, then I’m here to give it to you. No cut cards, straight no chaser. I’m sorry my lovelies, but what type of friend would I be if I didn’t give you the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

I hope you all enjoy. Be sure to let me know what you think. Those of you who want kids in the future, let me know how you feel childbirth after reading this. And those of you that have kids now, has your experience been as joyful as mine? Whatever you do, just be sure to always, always, always check out the rest of the Up 4 Discussion family. We have such an eclectic taste in diversity.

Until next time bloggers…

Life Goes On

The excitement dies and the comforting, but yet aggonizing “Congrats” still come at you like yesterday never happened. So what do you do? Do you smile and say “thank you” and just keep walking or do you turn around and look them dead in their faces as if they are stupider than the stupidest of them all. Don’t you see I don’t have a belly anymore? Guess they won’t know unless you tell them. Realizing that there is something rather different about you, but naaahhhh, that can’t be right. Must be a pregnancy thing. But the point is, if they were never so busy meddling in your business, that little piece of time frame would have never been so awkward. So when you congratulate me (now)… are you congratulating me on my successful pregnancy or are congratulating me on my successful miscarriage? You didn’t even ask if I was carrying and I never, personally told you that I was carrying but yet you can ask me when do I find out if it is a boy or a girl. Really?! #getthefuckouttahere!!

So I can be stubborn, bitter, and downright bitchy. But if I felt the need to keep everyone aligned for my every breaking newsflash, then I would and if I don’t, then that means DON’T give me your comments, questions or concerns. Why don’t people get it? I’m not here to except pity, apologies, or sad faces. I’m only here to vent and half the time viewers/readers seem to miss the real points of my writing either way, but it’s pointless to vent about that because I’m quite sure that once this word gets out, the expected is what I will be hearing over the next couple weeks or so. One thing I can say is, when something is unexpectedly taken away from you, whether it’s been a day, a month or 10 weeks; your life seems to fall into a whole new game-level. Just a minute ago, I was coming up with names to continue my line of uniqueness and regality along with Superior (my son) and Blessing (my daughter). Just a minute ago, I was back in “mommy mode” thinking about what it would feel like to hold such a small human being again. Wondering if this will be another 4 pounder? Maybe smaller. Or will this one kick ass and reach a whopping 5? lol! The comforting smell of Johnson & Johnson baby powder and lotions. The excitement of everything new. The adrenaline rush that comes with being a “high risk” factor and still being able to conquer such miracles in the time of dier needs, literally. New editions and introductions. This is ……, your new brother, your new sister, your new grandchild, neice, nephew…. MY new son… MY new daughter… Welcome home?

I fight back the tears and become overwhelmed with mixed emotions. What am I crying for? We hadn’t even gotten to the stages of movement, so what is there to miss? I knew he/she was in there. Am I saddened because I feel inadequate as a woman that I couldn’t carry another baby? Or do I feel the embarassment from sharing with the world that I was on my way to building yet a new empire and failed? When you’re in the moment of your “glow”, expectancy becomes a responsibility for everyone else’s fascination with pregnant women… the aftermath of miscarrying is when you realize that you just lost your job. You were fired without warning or reasoning, and you are left with continuing on with your life as if nothing ever happened. So what about the little tiny heartbeat that I saw beating so rapidly? It doesn’t matter because people don’t miss what they’ve never had; along with responses to the effect of it may have been for the better or it wasn’t in God’s plans. It was only implanted in me and my memory for reference. I didn’t uphold my end of the bargain and therefore life goes on…

Until next time bloggers…